ESSAYS on THE NEW ECONOMY #6
Authentic Networking plays a part (in the wider theatre that is our life)
This essay first published on LinkedIn, thanks to Meander — an online mentorship platform creating opportunities for career growth. See original post here.
Whether you think you already know what is networking or you’re pretty sure you hate it, it’s my belief we get the chance to reinvent it every time we meet someone new and talk in any small way about “work.” We are more than the work we are paid to do. & “networking” is more than schmoozing.
Read on (and feel free to skim). Let me know what you learn 😀
Networking can be complicated! It’s not only about creating connections for professional benefit. There are emotional ties we can feel to the concept:
If we have been outgoing and successful in building rapport with others professionally (maybe networking once helped us get a new and better job), then we feel networking is powerful.
If we have been excluded by a professional network (whether because of language barriers, implicit cultural norms or elitist mentalities), then we may feel like "networking" is a dirty word.
We can call it by other names - relationship building, finding community, connecting with others. No matter what, we all stand to benefit from expanding our mindset and seeing the transformative ways we can change ourselves and the culture by "networking authentically."
What is authentic networking?
The moments we find in ourselves the desire to "network" are often the moments when we feel ourselves in urgent need.
We see a locked door (or glass ceiling) blocking us (it seems) from getting promoted or landing our dream job. We struggle navigating a career change or feel frustrated navigating business politics to make a sale.
We wish others would help us unlock the desired opportunities.
But how do you respond when a total stranger hits you up for a favour, without even taking the time first to really get to know you?
If your response depends on how the stranger articulates the ask, then you begin to understand what I mean. Authentic Networking starts from a place of realising we all need help sometimes, even before we necessarily are conscious of that fact.
Authentic Networking means giving first, getting later.
Human Psychology teaches us that the best way to get is to first give. Although it may depend somewhat on cultural context, when we give others respect or a compliment of appreciation, they're more likely to respond back with warmth. If we give people the time and the space to help us on their terms, avoiding pressure or unneeded urgency, we leave room for them to help us out more authentically.
If we seek to build rapport not only with those more senior than us or working in contexts we aspire to, but also with those who are more junior than us or working in contexts we know little about, it enables us to give back through networking.
Generosity when networking often triggers a ripple effect in which we receive back more than double what we first gave.
Authentic Networking also means sharing more than professional skills and basic advice. Let people really get to know you.
When meeting new people, keeping things at a surface level, introducing ourselves only by our career history, or talking only about the facts of business, we limit the depth of connection. We cannot expect others to open up and trust us if we do not dare to take the first move. What does it mean?
- sharing not only about successes but also about professional failures;
- communicating in our elevator pitch both personal details (like where we grew up or what are our hobbies) as well as skill sets;
- allowing a networking conversation to be sometimes derailed by a genuine interest in one another's stories.
Authentic Networking means playing the long game.
Trust that there will be time to make your request later. The work will get done eventually. Whatever it is that you feel you urgently need from networking, if it's a real need, it won't be forgotten. You can bring it up anytime.
Why not wait until you've gotten to know a stranger better first? Why not allow that maybe what you really need is to feel connected to more good humans? Am I getting through to your heart now? Do you feel the difference?
Authentic Networking means being yourself and learning by doing.
Some people say that networking is not for them. They might feel shy or not enjoy social media or career fairs. I encourage you to be kind to yourself.
Learning to walk as a baby didn't happen overnight, despite what our parents may say. Children learn by observing, trying, and experimenting with new things, and as adults, we can do the same.
We might think our personality isn't suited to connecting genuinely with strangers or that we've been networking in the wrong circles. Perhaps we've been following the traditional business school approach and haven't explored other methods. It's also possible that we were never taught how to network, but that's okay. We can learn by experimentation, discovering in the process our own unique way of doing it.
Authentic Networking means making it up as we go without faking.
Sometimes the best way to build rapport with another human is to admit at first we don't really know what we're doing. Chances are, the other person (maybe even a professional we admire) doesn't know what they’re doing either. We're all just making it up as we go along! So why not go out with an open mind and give it a try?
Authentic Networking requires real effort.
The truth is, broadly speaking, there's no secret passage or quick tip I can share. When it comes to networking, long-term if we're to do it well, we must do it authentically. Being authentic takes work.
To be clear and to communicate from the heart, we must first know ourselves and be honest about what we want and what we can give. Changing our mindset and opening up ourselves to change behaviour takes time and intentional practice. If we want a quick fix, we will eventually be disappointed.
Authentic Networking is an ongoing conversation with others we're learning with, and while it is an effort that should be thought of as a long-term investment, it's also life-long in the benefits.
Authentic Networking not only leads to job opportunities, it can also lead to real friends… especially if we’re the one behaving in that way.
One of my favourite potential side-effects of networking authentically is the occasional opportunity to make a new friend. Studies from Harvard and other sources show genuine friends are what make for the happiest life. Of course, we don't network professionally solely to make friends ... or do we?
Worth giving it a try, right? Treat others as you would a (future) friend.
Authentic Networking means learning when to let go and when to keep going.
Sometimes certain professionals become quite successful and/ or stressed out or busy for a time, and it's maybe not the best timing to connect with a person like that.
We can't ever know another person's current situation, just by looking at their resume or LinkedIn, so don't give up if someone doesn't respond right away to a suggested connection. Network widely, network often, and don't be afraid to set boundaries or take a break when needed.
Have fun and good luck!