Hello
& Welcome ! The Bridge is a newsletter connecting the professional and the personal creatively across cultures and a diversity of topics, until we are not only full of ideas but also ready to take action. Thanks for joining in the conversation.
My youngest daughter is a lot like me, which means both that I understand her rather intuitively AND that I learn a lot about myself observing her. Sometimes (of course) we get on each other’s nerves, but it feels good that we can often reconnect “naturally” because we are wired similarly.
The other day (a day when she didn’t have school), my daughter wouldn’t put on her pants. They felt “scratchy” to her, so I suggested we put some cream on her legs and I also rubbed the pants to make them feel softer. The cream wasn’t the cream she wanted, so I thought we could go out and buy some. EXCEPT she didn’t want to wear the pants. SO we were stuck at home, now both a bit upset, and she cried it out, and I held her (while staring out the window, trying to make sense of this ridiculous scenario).
Eventually we did get outside (and bought the cream, which she then refused to use, but that’s not the point). Walking outside, my mind cleared a bit, and I remembered what I wanted to tell all of you: For those of us who are highly sensitive, life can be a little more complicated. It can also be more rich. We notice more, feel more, and might at times experience a torrent of ideas. If we take gentle care of ourselves and our sensitivities, we become like an unexpected gift for those we meet. My daughter is certainly that for me.
Something to Consider
Have you ever heard the term “highly sensitive person” ?
From what I can tell, the term was coined by an American researcher 30+ years ago, but I first heard the term used while in France (“hypersensible”) and have still never heard an American say it out loud. That might be because “sensitivity” in general is appreciated more easily in a French cultural context as a positive characteristic, especially when describing men, whereas in American culture the man who is highly sensitive is almost always told he thinks too much or he’s weak or he’s a sissy.
Whatever the case may be, I have felt deeply reassured understanding myself better. And unlike concepts such as the “autism spectrum” (where there is great debate and much misunderstanding about whether or not it should be seen as a “disorder”), the “highly sensitive person” can be used to describe people who are shy, creative, poetic, easily overwhelmed, incredibly kind, possibly prone to anger, deeply observant, or difficult to understand. Which means it’s a broad enough category and not a medical diagnosis, so it can help ease a different sort of conversation.
What would it look like to live in a world where we value the “highly sensitive” character trait more? Are we able to help make that world more real around us today?
Something to Watch
The Good Place (director Michael Schur)
The TV show was popular with my wife when it came out, and recently my oldest daughter started watching too. At one point the “Architect” character played by Ted Danson, who has designed “The Good Place” and tries very hard to understand how humans work, he comes to an important realization:
To be good today is far more complex than it was hundreds of years ago.
He cites the example of a man giving his grandma flowers in 1534 for her birthday, a good act plain and simple. Someone doing the same thing today might be doing something “bad” because the flowers are given via a website that leaves a negative carbon footprint, relies on unjust labor practices, and supports an extractive economic model that enriches a billionaire with poor personal ethics.
Worth noting here that the TV show is light-hearted and comic. It regularly assumes most of us are doing our best to get better! Maybe the thing we need remind ourselves of regularly is how true it is, this insight, that being good today is complex. Let’s give ourselves grace (AND figure out a better way).
Something to Listen to
“Une nuance au dessus du noir” [A shade above black] (Gringe)
A long-time collaborator of French rapper Orelsan, Gringe has also created two solo albums, one of which was released not long ago, and in the time in between his first and second albums he wrote a memoir about growing up with a schizophrenic brother. It’s for that reason he decided to become a supporter of a non-profit that is dear to my heart: La Maison Perchée, a community organization committed to peer support and public advocacy for those who are diagnosed bipolar, schizophrenic or borderline. An underlying belief to all this is that when we talk together about heavy topics without stigma, we grow in empathy and create possibility for greater health.
Gringe speaks openly of his depressive side, pulling the curtain aside perhaps from the artist-as-magician and showing that he doesn’t have magical answers. His life though has been illuminated by love and moments of pause. Like that, he finds courage to continue on. A shade above the black.
Now I know that the universe is born of black holes /
Super-sensitive becomes a super-power /
Find a calm way, an ashram ‘midst the noise /
Don’t you hear what Goldshifteh [Farahani] or Marjane [Satrapi] have to say ? /
They made us more aware of the world,
they’re midwives [helping give birth to higher consciousness] /
Something to Practice
Sitting with “negative” or “difficult” emotions is best done with others. Next time a friend or family member shares with you something that feels heavy, dare to find a moment with others to talk about how you feel. Especially if you’re someone who feels things deeply.
It’s not so important the specifics of the other’s situation (and you might even want to keep it confidential), but it matters how you feel. We don’t have to hold it in all alone. Even if it means slowing down or taking a pause from the busyness or the rush (something you’ve probably heard me say before), make time to share.
Here on my own,
Held in collectivity,
JPC