The Bridge #77
in which we celebrate the debut of autumn by breaking some taboos!
Hello
& Welcome back to The Bridge!
We’re breaking some taboos today because well - taboos are actually different for everybody at different times. We have things we choose not to talk about (nor even mention), and making the deliberate intention to talk about them in new contexts helps us grow. Let’s grow!
Something to Listen To
“Numb Little Bug” by Em Beihold
Bouncy upbeat piano makes you smile and maybe even sway a little (dance at the chorus?) — except what is it she’s saying? Is she talking about pills, depression, not feeling a thing? Numbing the pain. Why are we dancing then?
Something to Consider
She was born into it.
It isn’t what she wanted.
It was hard for others to understand: They were all like, oh how cool! You’re so lucky. I wish I had what you have. If it doesn’t make you happy, why not share it with me?
So she often didn’t talk about it at all. But then she didn’t know what to do, and it became like an aching wound, an infected pain, something she wanted to avoid and needed to heal.
She found a group of strangers who dared to share their stories, and she felt safe then to share her own, and that helped. Then they were able to share as well what they had been taught to protect: the wealth they’d inherited. (we’re talking about money, people!)
To share the wealth was good for their health, and talking safely about how they felt was the fuel and the spark. Boom! (taboo broken.)
POSTCRIPT - some said she was a traitor for giving what she hadn’t earned to others who deserved it but had not yet received enough, and others thought her a hero.
Something to Explore
Rethinking Infidelity… a talk for anyone who has ever loved (Esther Perel)
Esther Perel speaks many truths in this talk, and it’s very powerful.
Some parts I particularly enjoyed were when she spoke of :
infidelity being both a betrayal AND an expression (often) of longing and loss, looking not necessarily for a new partner but for emotional connection, or freedom, or a new intensity or vitality, or an attempt to recapture lost parts of ourselves, to become someone different
infidelity as a crisis AND an opportunity, in which both the betrayer and the deceived can take the opportunity to express with new honesty what they need in order to establish healthier arrangements for both parties
the importance of the betrayer to express sincere remorse for hurting her or his partner, but also the subtle distinction that it won’t necessarily be the case that the person expresses remorse for the affair itself
betrayal comes in many forms, and so while a sexual betrayal can really hurt, it’s also the case that we can hurt our partner with contempt or neglect or physical or emotional violence.
today in the west most of us will have two or three marriages over the course of a lifetime, and some of us will have them with the same person
Something to Say
Thanks for your faithful readership!
It feels as though for many it’s been quite an intense year so far. What are you wishing for these last few months? What inspires you or gives you hope?
(And) I just wanna see /
If you feel the same as me /
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life /
Like you’re not really happy but you don’t wanna die /
Like you’re hanging by a thread but you gotta survive cuz u gotta survive
We gotta survive,
JPC