The Bridge #96

in which we expose ourselves to inquiry, because maybe there's complexity inside of you too

Jun 05, 2024

the underside of my recently-finished embroidery

Hello

& Welcome ! The Bridge is a newsletter connecting the professional and the personal creatively across cultures and a diversity of topics, until we are not only full of ideas but also ready to take action. Thanks for joining in the conversation.

Today I would like to share more about me, in the hopes I receive more questions and then learn more about you.

Something to Get Us Thinking

When I was young — ha! I still feel like a child sometimes.

The other day, I shared something that made me feel a bit vulnerable. I spoke on a professional social media platform about (1) my grandmother, (2) a childhood interest of mine The American Civil War, and (3) something I enjoy and almost never mentioned when living in NYC, the art of embroidery.

Immediately after posting I felt scared: What would other people think of me? Would they take me less seriously? Would they dismiss me as naive, ignorant, ‘doing it wrong’ ? Would they move me off to the margins and sideline me?

I became afraid even to connect with new people. The next week I was scheduled to speak at a panel event with 30+ attendees, and I was worried people would look at my LinkedIn and think I wasn’t qualified to speak on the topic “How to Build a Career You Love.”

I used to be a high-powered recruiter in NYC, and now I was talking about old history, my grandma and embroidery… plus, the month of May had been filled with so many public holidays I’d spent little time doing professional activities and lots of time parenting or cleaning home. I’d become a stay-at-home dad. What on earth was I doing?

Living out in the open, trusting myself, taking it one step at a time…

Having let time pass, keeping up with my coaching, my writing, my community organizing, care for the home, the kids, myself etc — I found myself more calm, and checked back in on the post to see how people responded. Several people said very kind things, and I wondered why I’d been afraid.

It’s good to be cautious, and even better to be brave ☺️

Something to Spark Conversation

How the Wealthy White Family Forbids Wealth Redistribution (Iris Brilliant)

The essay, carefully researched and thoroughly cited, written by money coach Iris Brilliant helps shed light on an important systemic problem. I mean, it might feel like a problem that is very specific to each family — unique in their individual-ness, and having nothing to do with abstract ideas like whiteness or “wealth redistribution” — and yet the situation she describes is enough of a pattern people can talk about it and understand each other. If it’s a common enough situation, then maybe it’s worth digging into the cultural fabric that underlies our emotions and thoughts. Maybe it isn’t such an abstract affair.

Concretely, many “heads of households” for wealthy white families believe that the nuclear family is the primary way to think about “family.” and keeping wealth in the family is extremely important. Giving away money in such a way that the net worth of the family goes down, that’s very well near treason. Behaving well (according to unspoken rules that encourage preserving wealth for future generations of the same nuclear family) is very important if you would like to inherit later. Tax evasion is an act of love.

This is one way to think about the matter.

That said, if I’m sharing the above essay it is because I agree with Iris Brilliant (and collaborators who helped her explain the topic so thoughtfully), and want to make more explicit these cultural underpinnings, so that we can question them.

Something to Enjoy

Umm… this is a song H-O-T-T-O-G-O that has music in it, and there are hand motions to learn, a little bit like the YMCA, and it’s a little like 80s music but was released much more recently. In fact the singer Chappell Roan was born in 1998, so she never really had a direct experience of the 80s, but I’m not sure that that matters so much because she’s having a ton of fun. But be careful because you might listen to this song (and others she’s created) and find yourself feeling happy afterwards, and if you do feel happy — well then, it’s OK. You’re allowed to feel happy, listening to a song that is basically about… well, actually I think I’ll leave that to you to figure out. 😊

Something to Practice

If you happen to be reading this and you know me personally, feel free to say hello and ask how I’m doing. If we haven’t yet met personally, feel free to send a note saying hello and how it is you found this newsletter. I enjoy this best when it’s a conversation.

Also, hi mom! I know you’re reading. And it never hurts to be reminded: I love you.

Baby, do you like this beat? /
I made it so you'd dance with me /
It's like a hundred ninety-nine degrees /
When you're doing it with me, doing it with me /

Gotta run,

JPC 🏃‍♂️🕺

The Bridge