The Bridge #99
in which we call in the help of others to make sense of our situation
Hello
& Welcome ! The Bridge is a newsletter connecting the professional and the personal creatively across cultures and a diversity of topics, until we are not only full of ideas but also ready to take action. Thanks for joining in the conversation.
Lately I had been visiting with friends, and I needed to get some work done. I needed to talk to a friend & professional acquaintance to help make sense of my situation, to ensure I’m on the right track with my projects balanced with the other priorities in my life. To be able to have the conversation, I needed someone to care for the 3 year old who would otherwise be begging me for attention while I talked.
Long story short, because my friends played with the little one, I could talk about my projects without being interrupted. & because my friend on the phone listened carefully and has a certain distance from my situation enough to give another point of view, I sharpened clarity on my project to fundraise for emerging impact organisations. We cannot change complex systems on our own, but we can “do the impossible” with the help of others.
Something to Consider
Someone recently introduced me to the quote “Happiness is not having all that we want; happiness is wanting what we have.” There’s a poetic symmetry to this, making a certain common sense wisdom easier to remember and appreciate.
That said, we can talk about gratitude, contentment, enjoying what we have instead of obsessing (accidentally, of course) about the next new thing… BUT talking about it is not the same as experiencing the difference.
What does it mean to live with gratitude? How does it look and feel?
& How do we know what it is that we actually “have” ? And isn’t it good to dream of what we want and to want it enough to go for it ? How do we know when we have enough ? Easier asked than answered.
Something to Spark Conversation
Mental Health and Anti-Blackness (New Thinking podcast, from The Center for Justice Innovation)
The host of this podcast (a history PhD) is interviewing two experts in mental health, two women of color with lived experience, who are talking simply and profoundly about the way that mental health intersects with a wider context.
We often think of health as something we as individuals are responsible for taking care of. & what if the context matters at least as much?
For instance, if we struggle with eczema, we might think that it’s genetic, that it requires us to reduce stress in our lives or involves us applying a certain cream in a consistent way for several weeks, to make it go away. It’s up to us!
The skin rash though might be caused by the chemicals in the air or in a cleaning spray or might be the result of a combination of factors including environmental pollutants and stressful work environments. Is the individual responsible for all of that?
The same goes for mental health: we can imagine that it’s up to a person with “mental health troubles” to seek medical or therapeutic help, and it’s not our responsibility as friends or family to cure them of the trouble. & yet, what if a person’s poor mental health is due in part to societal ills — such as privatized prison systems, poorly regulated drug industries, unhealthy media news cycles, unstable housing, political polarization? If the causes are multiple and contextual, then should not the cure be something more collective?
And if we know that those who are “troubled” are often hurting people, sensitive people… The “troubled” are not so far off from you and me, if we are people who care to make things better. We are all oppressed by an unfair system that tries to separate us into black and white, blue and red. Let’s name the true villain.
As Nijah Afflic (licensed mental health counselor and program director for ATLAS) encourages listeners, Let’s “recognize the power in collaborating with the people who are also oppressed by these things [systemic injustices], versus fighting against those people [who are around you, who are suffering under the same injustice].” If we unite against unhealthy societal mindsets, then we can all become healthier at once.
Ruth Shim, a Director of Cultural Psychiatry at UC Davis, highlights how she continues to be learning herself, explaining what she had recently learned from feminist standpoint theory: “that the people who have power do not have the view. They don't see the full picture because they have never had to take the perspective, take the standpoint of people who are oppressed. So, the people who are oppressed actually have greater knowledge—and greater scientific knowledge and greater objectivity—than the people who have power.” We need each other to have a more complete view.
& our health matters.
Something to Enjoy
The National are an Americana folk /indie rock band formed by friends in Brooklyn, a pair of brothers and a lead singer. One of the guitarists Bryce Dessner lives now in Paris (married to a French singer); his brother Aaron Dessner a few years ago set up a collaboration with Taylor Swift (which my wife and daughter would both think is cool). Both Dessners are musical producers in a much broader sense (all kinds of genres) and when part of The National they create songs that talk eloquently about everyday themes.
A friend here in Montreuil invited my wife to a recent concert in Paris. Rediscovering a band from Brooklyn in this way (by hearing my partner say, we’re seeing a band I never heard of before, called The National) — I felt energised to take a second look.
& They had recently released a cover of a late 70s Talking Heads song (“Heaven”), which — if you’ve heard it before — hopefully introduces you to a fresh hearing. If it’s your first time hearing the lyrics, as was the case for me, then I hope the ambiguity of the message helps you groove and move to the thought that MAYBE the happiest moment repeated over and over would be super boring, MAYBE the happiest moment repeated over and over would be “so much fun.”
Something to Practice
Take an idea you think you already know (for instance: Happiness comes from gratitude — duh!) and sit with it for a while. Let it roll around your mind until it gets a bit uncomfortable. Like, why am I thinking about this anymore?
And if it doesn’t lead to some new insight, tell me about it.
There is a party, everyone is there
Everyone will leave at exactly the same time
When this party's over, it will start again
Will not be any different, will be exactly the same
Oh, Heaven
Heaven is a place
A place where nothing
Nothing ever happens
Will it be so much fun?
JPC